IF Glasses

I have to tell you one weird thing about IF (infertility). It's like ever since I joined the club, I have an added layer to the lens of view towards the world. As if I owned an IF glasses. Why did I say I "joined" the club? Because some people have wondered (esp. in the beginning) why I used the term "infertile" for myself. One practical reason for that is that it helps me connect with other people who're in the same boat and they've been helping me SO MUCH in making me feel SANE. 

Anyway...ever since I have this kind of glasses, I've been subconsciously trying to seek parallel stories that would relate to the infertility part in myself. Another weird thing about IF is that I can't help but feel that every time I bring up this subject, some people would roll their eyes and say, "Poor dear. Here she goes again." But I can't help it. I own the IF glasses, after all. And I don't want to help it 'coz I've learnt so many things because I have these glasses anyway he he...

The other day I watched "At First Sight" and I was really into it, because I could see myself substituting the word "blind" with "infertile". OK, from this point onward, I'm gonna start telling you about the movie that may contain spoilers, so SPOILER ALERT. STOP READING if you haven't watched the movie and yet you want to go watch it later. 




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Here's the link to the movie anyway: At First Sight. 

What I didn't know about it before watching was that it was loosely based on a real person, but I love the fact that the movie did depict crucial point in the blind person's life well. Here's the link to the article concerning what the real person experienced: Almost A Sight for Sore Eyes.

OK, so now let me start talking about the movie. The movie tells the story about Virgil (Val Kilmer), a blind masseur who works in a resort/hotel and Amy (Mira Sorvino), who is having a holiday in the resort and then they end up falling in love with each other. 

Once they start thinking of a future together, though, Amy finds some articles about the latest treatment for the blind (by way of surgery) to help them regain sight. Amy tries to encourage Virgil to try out the surgery and at first Virgil is really upset and he just feels that she's not accepting him just as he is (because he's lived his life until then by accepting his condition). And he's sick and tired of being prodded and examined by different doctors during his childhood to help him "get better" - with no result.

Now I can JUST visualise a similar situation for the infertile. How many times have people tried to induce the infertile to be hopeful about the future? About "the latest treatment/procedure/herbal/doctor"? How many times have the infertile hear "It'll happen when it happens" or "You still have time" or "Miracle pregnancies do happen, you know. I know a couple who had a miracle pregnancy just after they (adopted, gave up, stopped trying anymore, tried Chinese herbals, etc.)"

But you see, I'm like Virgil. In the past I did want to have a child/children SO badly, but now I'm used to the thought that me and R2 = a complete family, just like Virgil who's used to managing life in a blind state. I know both conditions are different, but the point I'm trying to make is OUR (mine and R2's) state of mind. We've moved on from that road. Sometimes I regretted telling people that we did want children so badly at one point in time 'coz then it's hard for THEM to stop visualising us with kids.

A few months ago my MIL said in passing about this neighbour couple who did get a miracle pregnancy. And a few weeks ago my own Mom said in passing about another couple who did get the same miracle pregnancy. I think because in life, there are more pregnancies happening than non-pregnancies, it is EASIER for people to believe that "it'll happen". And I've heard some strangers say to me, "It'll happen when it happens."


What they don't understand is that after accepting life without children, we feel that our life isn't lacking anymore in that department. So whenever they infuse us with stories about miracle pregnancies, nowadays instead of feeling encouraged, I personally feel like they're telling us that our marriage is lacking something. I guess that's a dichotomy in the life of an infertile like myself (who once felt that way herself - that there was a hole in our lives due to the lack of children), but I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. And don't get me wrong. I KNOW they all mean well, esp. for those who knew that we did want kids so much at one point - just like Amy who only tries her best to help Virgil have a chance to see the world.

But like Virgil who's been prodded and examined during his childhood by various doctors, we don't want to go through all the disappointment that we went through month after month after month when we were trying to have a baby, because it took a hell of a journey to get to the point where we are now: to have peace with what we don't have and to believe that me + R2 = a complete family. 




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For those who have kids, try to erase your kids from your lives and try to think of you and your hubby as a complete family. Can you view yourselves as a complete family without your kids?

I know it's a crazy thing to ask for and I can hear some people protesting already by saying, "But you've never had kids. You wouldn't know how it feels like." Yes, that's true, but you've experienced all the joys and lovely memories with your kids, whereas I experienced (at least when we were trying) the deaths of the dream of having a kid, of being able to hold him/her in my arms and I had to bury that dream over and over and over again. 


But anyway, the point of the exercise is to try to make you understand that we're IF survivors here and that the road to accepting that we're a complete family is not an easy one. And that you should CELEBRATE this with us instead!!! :-D :-D :-D






P.S. I can only speak from my own experience, but I know some people who've told me directly about a similar case - of how they just want people to stop infusing hope because they've surrendered to life without kids. And that's the awareness I'd like to raise here in this post.

Do You Get Tired? Part Two

I've had a jumble of messy thoughts after writing my post yesterday. I feel that I was too generic in writing that post yesterday and let me try to untangle some of my thoughts, which would be too long to write in the comment section (though I did try to write some of them already).

OK, first of all I think blogging is a different platform altogether. I write for myself and my audience in my blogs (depending on the topic, sometimes it's more for the audience, sometimes it's more for me, sometimes it's 50-50) and because I don't allow anonymous commenters anymore, I find that those who do comment mostly do want to say something to me about my post or they want to build a connection or they feel that they can relate to my post or something like that.

Facebook is a different platform altogether. What I find to be tiring about Facebook is also because of my fault, I suppose. I have a jumble of different people in my Facebook friends' list, but I don't want to bother separating them 'coz then I'll have more accounts to take care of. Back in the beginning before I was active at all in Facebook, I didn't really know "that world". Now I have semi strangers in my blog as well as close friends and relatives and ex school friends, blogging friends and those in between (friends of friends).



 


Here are some things that I find tiring about Facebook in a nutshell (let me try to remember my thoughts from last night):

1. Facebook resembles so much like the real world in a twisted way.

So much like the real world, because unlike blogging where some people use pseudonyms, they mostly use their real names. And the interaction happens in a much faster speed. Twisted because you can be half a world apart from the other person, yet you can still feel things just like the feeling you may get from a face-to-face conversation.

An easy example: I once commented on someone's photo, and the person's response struck the wrong chord in myself. While reading the response, I got so angry and upset that I just wanted to lash out at that person. My initial reaction was to "slap back" (for lack of a better phrase). Thankfully I managed to calm myself down before typing down and publishing something I'd regret, withdrew myself from my computer, and did other things to calm myself down. Only after I did that then I replied to that person in a more civilised manner. That, I suppose, is a good thing about an online platform compared to the real world - it's easier to just withdraw and take a step back before reacting (in the real world this may be more tricky to do).

I've also felt a few times when someone comments on my posts, "Oh no...not again!" because the person is the kind that pushes my button, but once that person comments on any of my posts, it's "rude" if I don't respond back (especially if then I do respond to other commenters after and before that one).

I know that whatever I write can be subjected to any interpretation by anyone and that anyone is free to speak up their minds, but still it does resemble real life in a way. Sometimes you just want to get away from all of those feelings and people. But the problem with deactivating a platform like Facebook is that I feel that I'll "be left behind" because there are people in the site whose lives matter to me, whose photos I want to see, who I really want to connect regularly, whose interests match mine, etc. etc. etc. 

2. And because so many people are active in that platform, I feel that it's getting harder and harder to just disconnect there. And that's also one source of the fatigue. 

The feeling of not wanting to miss important things, but then again I do need to disconnect completely sometimes...but disconnecting completely means that when I get back online again there'll be so much to sift through in order to find out which is more important and which is not...

3. Due to the nature of a platform like Facebook, I feel that the temptation to show off is much greater than in blogging for example. Because I blog also for myself, I don't necessarily feel the need to show off because I mostly want to write down a kind of journal for myself - which I hope will entertain people or will help people connect with me or will help people learn from my mistakes, etc. 

However, in Facebook, many times when I want to post something, I have to think twice, "Am I posting this to share or to show off?" This is especially true for holiday pictures, but this doesn't cover all of the issues that may make me feel this way. For holiday pictures, I've resorted to sharing them with only a certain group of people.

4. Another part of the problem I experience with this kind of platform I've written down in the other post (and in the comment section): about wondering whether or not to comment, about the feeling of voyeurism (funnily enough I don't really feel this way with blogging - maybe because in Facebook there is a bigger opportunity to really check out those people whom I may know by name already in real life and that takes it to a whole different level), about whether my silence is better than saying anything (because a silence can also be deadly), etc.

Additional reason (added on Jan 17, 2013): I also feel that it's hard to control what you see in Facebook. Even though you can limit what you see in your Newsfeed, if your friend posts something that you don't really want to see, you're bound to glimpse through it and when it's something disturbing, then I feel disturbed and it doesn't really help me calm my inner world. 





Another part of the fatigue is due to a different platform. I've written about Whatsapp application before in this post: Whaddup. Anyway, that kind of platform allows you to chat with anyone in your guestbook (or phonebook) constantly if you're both online 24/7 with your mobile phone or iphone or smartphone. A few close friends have started using WhatsApp application to chat with one another and I did try it using the free version for PC during its trial period.

What made me tired was the thought of more and more people interacting this way - through that kind of platform and that, again, makes me feel left behind. I don't care about people I don't know, but I do feel left behind when it comes to my close friends, because you don't exactly "chat" that way via emails. When people use WhatsApp application, they can chat with one another during their breaks or when they're on the way to a place or when they're waiting for an appointment or whenever. In emails, you formulate your ideas in a more controlled manner, but when you're chatting with people live, you can talk about ANYTHING at all that comes in your mind. And it's hard to transfer that kind of chat file to an email-based world. And when you're not connected to them in that way, it feels as though they've gone for a quick coffee break to have fun without you.

Connecting through that kind of platform is VERY tiring because of time difference among other things. I go to sleep and when I wake up, I can see that some of them have left hundreds of messages already and I need to sift through the messages to find out if there's anything I need to respond to - but still even if I do respond to some of the (already old) messages, I feel that the conversation has moved on already. This is something new that feels weird for me and I don't necessarily like the feeling.

When you're on a holiday for a few weeks and you don't check your mailbox for a while and realize that your close friends have written dozens of emails, you feel overwhelmed in a way, but at least with emails it's (for me personally) still easier to catch up on because it's more structured so to speak. When it comes to following old chat messages (even if it's just a few hours old), it just feels so random, fragmented, confusing, and daunting.

So all of the above contribute to my feeling tired about this online world because I have to set my boundaries, but in a way I also don't want to "lose the connection" (especially with those I care about) by setting too tight boundaries/limits, but it gets harder to sift through the mess. OK, I think I've said what I really want to say, so enough about this for now.

Do You Get Tired?

I don't mean tired physically, but mentally and by mentally, I mean the kind of fatigue related to the online world. Sometimes with all the many things going on in this online world, such as Facebook, twitter, blogging, Yahoo Messenger, emails, and whatever else you're using to "be connected" to the world, I find myself wanting to shut everything down every now and then and just be in this present moment, be DISCONNECTED to everything else and everyone else except those in the present moment. This is one reason I LOVE going to the cabin in Kelujärvi 'coz there's no electricity there, so we can really disconnect.

I don't know if it's because I'm basically introverted or what, but that's how I've been feeling lately. Sometimes I'm confused whether or not I should comment on something, you know? Especially if the person's on my friends' list. Let's say that you see someone on your friends' list having a birthday today. You don't really know that person, so do you say happy birthday or not? Is it OK if you just say it "because it's the right thing to do", not because you actually care about that person's birthday because without the reminder in your social calendar, you won't even know/remember it? 

I know that it's fine even if I don't comment, but sometimes once you've read something and you don't comment on it, you feel like you've dropped by into someone's personal space without even saying "hi" (though the person doesn't necessarily even know that I've dropped by into his/her personal space). Is it just me or do you sometimes feel that way, too? Boy, that sentence sounded like being a stalker, actually ha ha...Or am I just thinking too much?

It feels sometimes as though the "rules of engagement" is really vague in this online world and that it's really tough to learn to limit yourself. I wonder how youngsters these days manage to handle both real world and online world, because many of them have been born surrounded with the internet and gadgets that help you connect to the world 24/7. Some articles have stated that one of the problems for kids nowadays is the lack of ability to focus. I'm getting to understand why. It's so easy to get distracted when reading an ebook using my PC for example when suddenly I can see an email notification coming up or an FB notification popping in my screen. Then I get tempted to stop reading to check the email/FB/whatever else is going on.

It's easier to focus reading a real book without being in front of the computer, but while reading Finnish books, it's much easier to use online dictionaries to find tough words so that I can read the book(s) faster. Anyhow, I should go back to reading ebooks now he he...before my holiday is over!!! Now let me just go get some hot tea first 'coz it's only 8'C outside!


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Curse of the Golden Flower

Saw "Curse of the Golden Flower" last night with hubby. The visuals and the attention to details were amazing. I was suddenly pulled into a life that was really rigid and so full of rituals. I enjoyed the movie because of the visuals and the built-up tension it showed. I felt like sitting on the edge of my sofa, anticipating the climax...wondering where the story would take me.

I wonder, though, why are there so many movies with this kind of ending? The ending reminds me of my feeling when I watched "Hero" and "Raise the Red Lantern", and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." All of these movies are Zhang Yimou's movies, btw.

Here's the trailer of "Curse of the Golden Flower":

Some of the visual beauties in "Curse of the Golden Flower" reminded me of some scenes in "Hero", just like in this one (the fight scene starts at 1:00):

Whenever I check out movies in imdb site, I always like clicking on trivia part. Do you know how long it takes to shoot the above fighting scene?

Here's the answer: 

"The lake scenes took almost three weeks to film because the director insisted that the lake's surface had to be perfectly still and mirror-like during filming. Due to the natural currents, this occurred every day for only two hours starting at 10am. To adjust to this phenomenon, the filmmakers arose at 5am each day to begin five hours of preparation and set-up."

And I bet many people still remember the lovely fight scene among bamboo trees in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon":

And while reading this trivia page, I chuckled upon finding these sentences:

"Concerned that Western audiences would not be able to tell Andy Lau and Takeshi Kaneshiro apart in the beginning of the film as they are dressed similarly, Yimou Zhang had Kaneshiro's character eat peanuts throughout many of the opening scenes to distinguish them." 

That paragraph describes R2's feelings whenever he watches this kind of martial arts movies. He says that he enjoys watching Asian martial arts movies, but sometimes in movies that are fast-paced, he loses track on the characters he he he he he...

Anyway, I think among those four movies, I still enjoy "Curse of the Golden Flower" more than the others, but for some reason "Raise the Red Lantern" has left the deepest mark in my heart.

3BT: Random Days

1. Finally having time to change my blog's template and lo and behold, it was MUCH easier than in the past. In the past, when I uploaded a new xml file, if the uploaded blog template doesn't offer as many sidebar widgets, I had to make sure to save every one of them and then adding them one by one manually. Nowadays all I had to do was click on "keep all widgets" and I could rearrange them easily by dragging and dropping them. THANK YOU, Blogger!

2. The new-and-improved reply button right below the commenter's post. It makes things much easier! :-D

3. It's a hot day today, so I went to the supermarket to buy some stuff and I didn't even have to put on any jacket. WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!



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4. Having 30+ free English e-books in my Kindle reader for PC. I'll be adding more later on ha ha ha ha ha...Mind you that here in Sodankylä there's only a small bookstore with very limited choice of English books and ordering some from the internet would cost more due to shipping cost.

5. LOVE the features in Kindle reader for PC (best of all, the reader is FREE!!!). I can make the font size bigger, change the background colour, add a note, even find meanings of words easily (simply by blocking the word) or bookmark certain pages.

6. Waking up to a very clean kitchen (hubby had cleared up the dirty dishes and just tidied everything up) HA HA HA HA HA...

7. A week full of bliss 'coz I don't have to work (my first batch of summer holiday). YIIIIHAAAAAAAA!!!

Midsummer Eve BBQ

Yesterday wasn't actually a particularly warm day and it even showered a little near midday. We had planned a BBQ in our yard with the family. MIL came at around 4.30 pm and then R2 started to prepare the chairs and grill outside. She brought flowers for me (bless her!) and we talked for a while. Temperature was around 13-14'C at that time and it was cloudy. It got a little sunny after 5 pm, but it wasn't warm at all. The temperature only rose 1 degree at the most and it dropped to 9'C after 2.30 am.

BIL and SIL came over at around 6.30 pm, long after R2, MIL, and I had finished eating ha ha ha ha...I prepared pork satay, salad, chips, two types of ice-cream, chips, and candies and I told them to bring whatever else they wanted to bring. MIL brought some sausages. BIL and SIL brought some sausages and hamburgers. MIL got inside already at around 5.30 pm 'coz she said it got too cold for her (she's feeling a little bit under the weather - runny nose and sore throat, you see).

She's going to have another knee cap operation next week, so if you're the praying type, please pray for her as well so that everything goes well, including recovery.

Before I share some pics, here are some links to some other Midsummer posts that I've written in the past:

First Midsummer in Finland
Midsummer Night's Dream

Now here are some random pics:

The pic before the last was BIL. He said to R2, "Come on and quickly take a pic of me. It's getting hard to breathe here, you know?" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...we had fun playing cards together. Went to bed at around 4 am ha ha ha ha ha...

Our Town

In my university days, we got to do one English play on our third year of studies. The play was chosen by the drama lecturer (I suppose) and we had to "audition" to get the parts. Those of us who weren't chosen to be in the play would help out in other ways, such as being involved as make-up artists or helping out with the stage. 

That year, 1999, the chosen play was "Our Town" by Thornton Wilder. In the audition we only had to say certain English sentences in front of our lecturers. Guess which part I landed? One of the dead!!! I'm seriousss...I only had to stay still and have this deathly make-up on and among with my other friends who played the dead, we only had a few lines to say ha ha ha ha ha...

The whole experience was very interesting, though. We rehearsed without using any props or lighting, even though the stage was already built during the last few rehearsals. Nowadays in our university there is a spanking new, real theatre-like room for this purpose, but back then during our days, the stage was really simple.

What I didn't expect, though, was how glaring and powerful the lighting would be. I had teary eyes and I never knew that such powerful lighting could feel THAT hot. But I couldn't really wipe my eyes because I played the dead - so I wasn't supposed to move a muscle he he...But anyway, we all had fun. We invited people to watch - they had to pay a small sum of money for the tickets.

Anyway, here's a pic of me and the others with our stage make-up on. Guess which one I am? I know the pic isn't that clear 'coz it's scanned from a regular photo and the photo itself isn't that clear.

Oh yeah, before I forget...I'd like to share my blogger friend's book. I've always admired her writings and she's been a dear friend to me. I've just bought her e-book through Kindle store. Mind you, I don't have a real Kindle reader, but you can download a free Kindle reader for PC and there are always free books to download in the site and so far I've downloaded at least a dozen books. I still prefer real books compared to e-books, but in terms of space, having e-books is handy 'coz they don't clutter the house ha ha...

Anyway, here's the trailer of her e-book entitled "First Light" by Michelle Frost. If you're interested, you can also buy it in a regular book form through amazon. I've only started reading a few pages but I'm absorbed already!!! :-D As a matter of fact, after publishing this, I'm gonna go back to reading it he he...can't wait to find out what's going to happen!!!! :-D

Whaddup

For the past few days I've been trying WhatsApp for PC because some friends wanted to chat with me using that program. I only have 7 trial days, but I don't think I'm going to pay 15 USD to use this program because of several reasons.

So many people nowadays are connected all the time, but not me. I don't know if I want to be connected 24/7. Even my bro once said how cool WhatsApp was (he uses Android), but I was hesitating. I once downloaded WhatsApp to my mobile, but because I don't have an ongoing internet subscription for my mobile, I realized that it kept on trying to connect even though I'd turned it off, so I decided to delete it. Plus I can't possibly use my mobile during work (always put it in a locker), so what's the use of getting 24/7 internet connection for my mobile if I don't have to travel a lot for work anyway? (Because I can still use my PC to connect at home when I don't have work)

What about WhatsApp for PC? Well, first of all due to the fact that I'm not connected 24/7, I find that chatting via WhatsApp is so...fragmented. Another part of the reason is also 'coz of my random work schedule as well as time differences between me and those friends in WhatsApp. So whenever I log in online using my PC, I've found tons of messages already going back and forth between a few friends and it feels...surreal.


 
I mean in the past none of this could happen. I felt as though I had entered a room filled with a few friends that had stopped talking (and sometimes they've already gone entirely from that room by the time I log in), but I could still view their WHOLE conversation if I wanted to ---> This also takes a lot of time if I log in after a few hundred of messages have been recorded. And moreover, commenting on their conversation felt like "lagging behind" because it had happened already.

I do feel that way sometimes with emails. Sometimes after a summer vacation with hubby when we don't check emails regularly, when we go back home then there are tons of them to read and then I have to think of which important emails to reply to first, but it's not as bad as the feeling of being "left behind" in this kind of WhatsApp chat program. I felt confused, not knowing where to start after being "left behind". Should I start babbling about another topic altogether?


But now after trying WhatsApp for a few days, I begin to understand more why those people in Indo who use BB (Blackberry) chat or WhatsApp to chat are ALWAYS online, because it can be addictive and once you start, it's hard to stop because otherwise you'll miss SO MUCH - logging on every once in a while will only cause so many fragmented conversations. On the other hand, it bothers me to remember the annoyance I felt at being around people who are always checking their mobile and typing stuff and updating the latest photos while they're spending time with me. I also have the fear of turning into those people who have to be "connected" all the time, because when I am spending quality time with my hubby and relatives, I want to focus on them instead of cyber world. And I want them to focus on spending time with me, too. 

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In Indo, we have this term called "eksis" (yeah, based on the word "exist", though it doesn't really mean the same - I think it means "being active in cyber world"). Some people, if they haven't been active in some type of online group/site, consider themselves as "they don't exist". If they're so active in those groups, then they "eksis". It's kinda ironic to think of the pressure to "eksis" these days in Indo, because you DO exist even though you don't "eksis" in cyber world. 


I don't know about you, though...any POV? I do like technology and as you all know, I found love through the internet, but sometimes I feel that we're going into "uncharted territories" (boy, do I feel old/old-fashioned writing these words HA HA HAAHHHH...) and I'm not talking merely about cyber world, but the advance of technology in general. I read an article the other day that the impact of this "online world" can only be researched after a decade or two (if I'm not mistaken), because the current generation (Generation Z ) has spent their entire lives surrounded by the internet. 

Note: Maybe in the future I may feel differently about WhatsApp - dunno. But for the time being I just want to record this here for future reference.

Thought Mixes

Ummm...I have so many different things to say, so I'll just write them down in a list.

1. I do love face-to-face conversations, but I tend to thrive more on one-on-one conversation than a group conversation (this can also apply to phone calls/chats). That doesn't mean that I don't like group conversations. Not at all. It's just that one-on-one conversations have a different depth and focus compared to a group conversation. I've always felt like this from ages ago.

I have so many fond memories of group hang-outs with my closest friends back in Indo, but the thing is nowadays it gets harder and harder to match up the schedules, so I find that cyber talk with them is more effective in sharing our lives with one another. I know that some people who don't really like cyber talks and with them, it's by far more effective to have a face-to-face conversation.

2. I have a hate-and-like relationship with Facebook. There were a few times that I was considering stopping the use of it, but it's getting so hard these days, because most of my close friends and my brother and SIL find it easier to share the latest photos there. And it's also easier for me to share my photos with my bro (and Mom will be able to see them too) through Facebook rather than just bombarding his mailbox with so many pictures.

3. Yesterday we went to Kelujärvi with BIL and MIL because MIL wanted to plant some potatoes there (among other things that we did there). It was a gorgeous day. Had a morning shift and then after work the sun was shining hotly (almost no wind) at around 20'C. I got to sunbathe and at some points it even felt too hot for me that I had to go hide in the shades ha ha ha ha...

Walked down to the cabin area near the lake and take some pics. Watched two wild ducks far away in the middle of the lake and wished I had a better zoom to be able to take better pics of them. At one point they were calling each other and then they met in the middle for a little while. It was a lovely sight, though I could only see two black shapes without being able to see their original colours. There were SO many mosquitoes, though I was safe enough after spraying myself all over with Off (mosquito repellant). We ended the eve there by going to their wood sauna. Lovely! :-D

Here are some pics...first pic: Hubby busy preparing the ground to plant some potatoes.

Next pics are pics of the ducks:

Then pics around the lake area:

And other random pics:

Real World Talk vs Cyber World Talk

Yesterday I had great fun meeting friends and then afterwards some of us continued "chatting" through Facebook. Comparing the real life meet versus the cyber world "chats" (may be in the form of emails, the use of any type of messenger to chat or through Facebook messages) is interesting because time and time again I'm reminded of how "effective" cyber world communication can be compared to real life talk.

In real life when you meet friends, you get distracted by so many things and sometimes when you want to talk about certain things, those things get pushed to the sideline due to many factors. Maybe it's because the other engaging topics dominate the conversation or before you have time to address the things you want to talk about, time has run out. 

I find that when two or more people are focused in their cyber conversation, it's really much more efficient than real life chats when they meet. I guess the same thing applies to blogging, as well. When you have a "conversation" with other bloggers, you can read everything peacefully (provided that you're not in a hurry, that is) before you respond to the blog post (again, provided that you do want to respond to that post). However, in real life talks, esp. in a big group of people, sometimes even before you get to respond, something else comes up that distracts you, so you never get a chance to share your POV. 

I also find that sometimes it's easier to share things through blogs or writings (emails, text chats) compared to face-to-face talk. Maybe the topic is so tender or tough to broach upon or maybe you're worried about the other person's reaction before hearing the WHOLE story (which that person can read in peace without being able to respond in the middle of the story). 

I still prefer "chatting" through emails/blogging compared to chatting in chatrooms or any tipe of messengers. Facebook messaging system is quite handy, too, for those who are active there (it's also handy to send invitations to different events - provided that all the participants log in to Facebook regularly). Chatting in chatrooms (or via some type of messenger) is kinda hard to do when there are so many people involved who are really active because sometimes someone's internet connection may be slower than the rest, so it makes it harder for that person to follow the conversation in real life 'coz of the delay in getting the messages from the other participants. 


I can imagine those who are more people-persons would prefer real life meet much more compared to "chatting" via the internet (emails, chatrooms, messengers, Facebook, blogging, etc.).

I think cyber world talk has its own merits that real world talk is lacking, esp. when you have friends who are really busy juggling family life, career, friends, hobbies, etc. I'm THANKFUL for the cyber world who has allowed me to:

1. Meet the love of my life.

2. Keep in touch with my closest friends who live in different cities/countries.

3. Get to know so many lovely blogger friends.

Btw, yesterday was the first time I grilled on my own 'coz R2 was out of town. Here's a pic of the pork satay I made (they were not done yet):

And here's a pic of the blue sky above me (the temperature was about 18'C with cool wind blowing at around 4 pm):  

We still haven't had really hot days like last year. There was one year when it got as hot as 26'C at the end of May or early June, but this year they say it's the regular Lappish summer (it seems)...but I hope there'll be more warmer days later on. :-D Have a wonderful summer, people!!!

3BT: Random Days

1. Looking at these breathtaking pics of Hang Son Doong cave. Just amazing!!!!

2. Raking the leaves together in the yard while it was rather warm and not raining.

3. Talking about old crushes with my closest friends and laughing so much in the process.



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4. A hare eating right in front of our yard. It hasn't completely changed into its summer fur yet, though I can see some brown spots here and there.

5. Laughing till it was so hard to breathe and my cheeks/jaw became so sore in the process.

6. The temperature at the moment showing close to 20'C and there is some sun despite a cloudy morning.

7. Being verbally appreciated.

8. Restful sleep.



9. Flower buds in our garden. :-D


10. Triple chocolate ice-cream, eaten with fresh strawberries. :-D

11. The first part of my summer holiday is coming SOON and I'm SO excited!!! :-D :-D :-D

One Photo Only

Was going to share some hare pics that came by to our yard a few days ago, but they turned out blurry. :-((( So I just want to share with you this pic I found in Facebook. An acquaintance's name was tagged on the photo, so I could see it via her wall even though I didn't know the photographer himself. I contacted him to ask for permission to publish the pic here and he's graciously given me the permission. THANK YOU!!!!  

I hope you enjoyed the pic as much as I did...and here's the Facebook link to the photographer himself: Jose Hamra. The photo is entitled: Over The Bridge of Kuta Lombok. Click the pic to see a bigger size.

BBQ Time!

Finally today the sun was shining for a few hours, so we went out to try our bigger grill. Last year I bought a small baby grill, but it was tough to use to feed many people. It was good enough for the two of us, but when my Indo friends came over last summer and we had a BBQ party, it took a long time to cook the food ha ha ha ha ha...

While enjoying the food and the sun, I noticed a squirrel high up on a tree nearby. It was rather small, so at first I didn't even notice it, so I ran inside to grab my camera and managed to take a few pictures. However, soon enough it realized that I was taking pics, so it ran away. :-( I miss the brave squirrels in my in-laws' barn when they still lived in Kelujärvi 'coz they dared to be near us without running away he he...Oh well...

Here are some more old squirrel pics/videos taken in Kelujärvi: 

The Squirrel + The Reindeer

Video Clips: Squirrel and Reindeer

Squirrel Video Clips

First pic: the salad, waiting for the sausage to be done he he...

Second pic: The squirrel before it started noticing me and then ran away. Boooohoooo!!!!!

Anyway, it got cloudy after 3 pm but now it seems that it's getting sunny again. :-D I hope this week will be better than last week's rainy and cloudy weather, 'coz I have a busy week full of activities!!! :-D Have a blessed weekend, people!

An 8-Year-Old

Been busy again, so though I have so many things I'd like to write, I haven't had time. Yesterday was the roughest day for me, because on Wednesday I had to work from 13.30 until 22.15 and then yesterday work started at 06.00 until 11.00. It was much shorter than Wed's shift, but on Wed night I had restless sleep and I couldn't fall asleep right away, so I ended up sleeping for only about 4 hours. Felt like a zombie he he...

And then I came back home after doing a little grocery shopping, checked my email, had lunch, and was preparing to take a nap when hubby's cousin's daughter rang the doorbell and asked if she could play here with me until her Dad came back from work. I didn't have the heart to tell her no, because a few months ago she wanted to play here but at that time we were both in my MIL's place, so she couldn't come.

The first time I met this girl was when she was about 2,5 years old. Here's a post I wrote about it: Where Did Who Go?


 
Anyway, the last time she came by to play here was sometime last year and I noticed some differences to then. This time she asked me many more questions and she paid more attention to some details in our house, whereas in the past she didn't pay attention to them. One thing for sure is that I'm now more equipped to handle her on my own, whereas in the beginning it was REALLY hard for me to be alone with her, as she didn't speak English and my Finnish was really limited he he...



There are some things that I found interesting coming out of her mouth, for examples:


- Are there cars in Indonesia? ---> This makes me wonder what kind of place Indonesia she thought Indonesia was ha ha...so I asked her what she had in my mind about Indonesia.
- I think Indonesia must be similar to Japan. ---> So I asked her what she thought existed in Japan.

- Well, I think there are camels in Japan.

- Is Finland a small country? What is the biggest country on earth? Is Indonesia a big country? 

- What kind of food do you eat in Indonesia? 

- Do you have children? ---> She meant if I had had my own children before marrying R2 (she knows we don't have kids).

These kinds of questions never came out of her mouth before. That's why I find it interesting. :-D I laughed when hearing that she thought there were camels in Japan (suddenly an image of a desert with lots of camels appeared in my head when I heard that) hi hi...then she said, "Camel (kameli) sounds similar to your name." Well, yeah, that's very true. :-D 


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And then we talked about school and holiday plans and we played Wii for a while (FYI, she said her fave "subjects" at school were recess, sleep time, and Finnish language he he he he...Anyway, while playing Wii, somebody called her mobile and I could tell that she was confused. I could hear a grown woman's voice talking so much...and I knew it must be a phone saleswoman. The girl kept on saying, "I don't think I'm interested."

When I asked her who had called her after she hung up the phone (it went on for a few minutes!!!), she said she had no idea. She also said she had no idea what the woman was jabbering about because she talked so fast and all she could pick up was "make-up this, make-up that" he he he he he...

Anyway, when she finally left, I was TOTALLY exhausted, so I went to bed right away and I slept for 3 hours (or a little bit over 3 hours). Woke up and still feeling like a zombie, so I decided to just watch movies and relax. Just didn't have the strength to do anything serious he he...

OK, now it's time to blog-hop...It's been rainy (at least no need to water anything in the yard HA HA...) and cloudy over here for the past few days and the temperature never rose above 15'C (actually it was more like 10'C max and during the night it's colder than that), but I'm sure it'll get warmer later on he he he he...

On My Current Job

Yesterday during the last few hours at work, I felt burnt out already. I'm not a people person, you see, and working 6 days in a row meant I had to meet so many people (two or 3 hundred a day depending on how long the shift is, but normally not less than 100 people a day) and it was just getting too much. I could feel my energy seeping out already during the last few hours and I just wanted to get out of there. Boy oh boy...

I love having my me time and being alone and recharging after spending so much time with people, serving people. Sometimes at work I wonder about my role in life - whether I'm really doing something useful by working at the till. I mean, how much can you actually do for other people by working behind a till in a busy supermarket? However, thankfully whenever I doubt my role in life at work, there's always a customer who states that what I'm doing means something to him/her. :-D And through their eyes, I realize how important attitude is. And that the power of a sincere smile is really underrated. 

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I've never really met tough/rude customers (luckily enough) and because most of the people here are older people (pensioners), so they've always been so relaxed and patient with me. :-D


One bad thing about working in a supermarket is that if a coworker suddenly gets sick, it's gonna be chaos all over because unlike other jobs where you can postpone doing things until the next day for example, in a supermarket you need someone else to tackle the job right away in most occasions. Otherwise all hell will break loose because things that need to be done that day must be done that day. And if the sick person is the one that's supposed to be at the till, then someone else MUST fill in the role so that the day's workload will go smoothly.


On the other hand, that "bad thing" is also good in a way that I don't bring home "homework". Of course there are things I need to check every now and then (like special offers so that when a customer asks if we have this and that, I'd know what to answer), but other than that, esp. because I'm the lowest in the career ladder (FYI I don't want to go up the ladder 'coz I know my limits and I'm not interested in going up the ladder anyway), I don't have to really think about anything much when I go back home from work. :-D Once a work shift is over, then that's that. :-D

When I first started working here, I didn't feel it was for me 'coz I'm not a people person and in the beginning language barrier was also an obstacle for me. I felt that I didn't fit in, but as time went by and the more customers validated my role at work, the more I realized that my initial thought was wrong. I don't know what will happen in the future, but for the time being I enjoy working at my current workplace and I like the fact that it's a part-time job 'coz I know my limits. I don't think I can serve the customers well if I work full-time because I did try adding more hours once and I ended up feeling burnt-out and it was getting hard for me to be the best that I can be behind the till. 


One other bad thing about working in a supermarket is being tempted to buy this and that and try this and that HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...I have to really curb myself and think first before buying things that are sold on special offers hi hi...

Busy Like A Bee

The lack of real posts this week is because of the fact that I've been so busy at work. Two coworkers got sick this week and another one has started her summer holiday, so this week I have to work for 6 days straight (the first 3 days were full-time). Today would be my 5th day and after tomorrow, I can relax for a bit 'coz next week shouldn't be that crazy. Phew! 

Just wanna share a video clip again here ha ha...I'm gonna write more later on when I have time. Introducing some Indonesian artists singing "Heart You": Glenn Fredly, Sandhy Sondoro, and Tompi...enjoy it! Make sure you watch until the end of the song!

FYI: I can't find any album videos 'coz I read somewhere that this trio has decided that they would mostly only do live shows 'coz they're fed up with people pirating albums and singers that lip sync in live shows.

 
 Actually here's another fun song to listen to by this trio (Trio Lestari), Malam Biru (Blue Night):