Monday, July 23, 2007

A Loner's Notes

When my hubby went to the bars with me and his brothers last Friday, we met my hubby's boss' wife in one of them. She tried talking to me in broken English, which again I appreciated. ;-D

There was just one thing that bothered me a bit. She asked me if I had found friends here. I told her that I had found a British family nearby. I asked my hubby to explain to her where the British family lived (30 minutes away on foot). She then said, "Oh, but that's so far away. Do you have friends here in Sodankylä?" I said no. She said again, "You've been here months but you haven't had any friends yet?" I nodded.

I began to feel confused why she made it seem like it was such a big deal. Finally after a short break in the conversation, she said, "So you love being home, right?" I said yes again. She said again, "Because you just have to love being home." I nodded again.

Even back in Indo, when I was working from home as a translator (read: meaning I didn't get to see many people, not even my boss, who lives in Jakarta!), some relatives and neighbours would show their concern over my "preferred isolation."

Hey, I'm HAPPY with my life!!! What's a loner got to do with all those people out there? I don't need to crowd out my life with so many people that would obviously overwhelm me in the end.

I know that knowing LOTS of people has its own advantages. Just look at my Mom who knows SO many people and she can strike up a conversation ANYWHERE, ANYTIME of day. I'm not her. I'm not an outgoing person and I don't prefer to be one. I know all those people mean well. However, I just hope they know that there ARE people like me in this world. There are people like me who are content being alone every now and then (or most of the time) who prefer an indirect communication with the world. It's a bit frustrating sometimes, trying to make people understand that the mainstream is NOT the only "satisfactory option" in life.

And I don't know why I'm writing this down. I guess I just want to let out some steam he he he...

Here's something I wrote the other night (a sudden inspiration):

The lessons that you have to learn will come to you. They will knock at your door over and over again until you invite them in. If you are too stubborn to hear, though, they might just barrage in, stampede you, and knock you off senseless. Sometimes only then will you regain consciousness and understand what life is trying to teach you. Sometimes they may come again in various forms so you can obtain a deeper kind of understanding and a bigger perspective of things.


  1. Well, good for you. You can be a loner but not feel lonely. You enjoy your solitude and such, and if that works for you, then there's nothing wrong with that. I love helping others and being with other people, but I've never been a fan of crowds or working in large groups, and after a while of being with others, I like to have some time to myself, to just, well, exist.

    "...stampede you, and knock you off senseless..." They absolutely can and will!! :)

  2. I laughed reading this one.
    I've met people like the wife of your husband's boss.

    I like time alone. In fact - I get really irritable if I don't get a decent amount of time alone daily.

    All my life I've struggled with the fact that people don't understand that because I am friendly and like people does NOT mean I want everyone to be my close friend (and come visit me every day, etc etc)

    I like internet friends the best because I can reach them (by writing) when I want to. They never visit me when I'm busy or not feeling like company. Selfish maybe? I don't think so. I just think some people need more space than others.

  3. Katelyn: Yep, we do need our alone time every now and then, don't we? :-D

    M: HE HE HE...Glad I could make you laugh. ;-D

    HEY, I also get irritable if I don't get a decent amount of "me time" every day!!! Unfortunately most people don't understand that. Tsk tsk tsk...

    I understand completely your last paragraph. I think the same way too!!! ;-D

  4. At least you won't react like I think I'd react: feel miserable since somebody thinks I'm 'pathetic' for not having friends. I'm still getting rid of the what-other-ppl-thinks-of-me-matters ghost. And I realize how soaked to the bones my need of approval is when I read this story and think of my natural reaction.
    But I think I've changed for the better now...

  5. Hey, Girl!!!

    Yeah, everybody has his/her own ghost(s). Mine is probably cynicism and/or bitterness he he he...

    Yes, I think you've changed for the better indeed!!! I'm PROUD OF YOU, Girl!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! Just remember how far you've goneeeee...;-D

  6. Oh amel what a wonderful way to explain it. I am indeed very much the loner. And, very rarely do I feel a sense of lonelyness....I am content being alone with myself and my own thoughts. I am in fact a true the highest degree. It's good to know that I am not alone. Oh and please forgive me but I have tagged you...the post will be available as soon as I get all of the links. Blessings~Jackie

  7. Hi, Jackie!!!

    HA HA!!! Finally another kindred spirit. I KNEW there were lots of others out there even while writing the post!!! YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!! ;-D

    I'm tagged? OK, no worries, I'll check your blog again later on. ;-D

  8. What defines a loner anyway? I wouldn't say I'm a loner - it seems that even people who are real sanguins likes solitude to a certain extent. You won't say they're a loner, right? (yea, if Hana n Jul labels themselves loner then I don't know what to label you hihi..) Seems that those who have a higher degree of loner inside would then say that the other isn't a loner :).

    I won't tag myself a loner. I enjoy being alone (or else I'd be miserable in Prague and Montpellier), and I love it when Its is away for trips as well, but if I had to chose whether I'd prefer to spend the rest of my life (or the most of my time) alone or with somebody else, there's not a single doubt hehe..

    So, what defines a loner? :D

    (too lazy to write my own blog about this - I always get the most briliant ideas when I'm alone, which doesn't happen often. Which also justifies my need to get me a laptop with inet connection 24/7. Then I'll be able to catch the loose threads of those productive times alone :D)

    I think thats it, a lot of people can't yet differentiate between being alone and being lonely, and still mess those two up...

    I'm really creating a mini-blog inside your blog, arent I?? >:|

  9. I call myself a "loner" 'coz in the "mainstream", I would be "categorized" as a loner (just look at how many people have encouraged me to "go outside my own cocoon and meet other people" - you know my history, so of all people, you should know why the world would categorize me as a loner).

    Why not call myself a loner then? It's not bad. I don't associate that word as being negative. Besides, it makes it easier for other people to know what I'm talking about (and perhaps to relate to me).

    Yeah, do write about this topic yourself when you have time. I'd love to read it. ;-D

  10. I love my own company, and positively fight to keep it! A good friendship is priceless, it doesn't intrude or make demands. You give your time freely because time spent with that person enriches your soul. Acquaintances are different, they can fritter your day away for no other purpose than to fill up the air with sound. You are content, it is so much more than many people are. Some might prefer everyone to be the same as they are, but how boring life would get if we were!

  11. THX for dropping by and leaving a comment, Shrink!!!

    I agree with you about friends and acquaintances. We all need good friends as they're angels in life. ;-D

    And yes, let's not make life boring he he he...;-D

  12. Hey Amelia,

    Oh my....I don't know why people find it strange that one likes to stay at home! What's wrong with that? I work at home and I love it!!!
    Where is it said that we have to make friends all the time, that we have to go out all the time, and hate being at home?
    The real question is: what's wrong with YOUR home?
    Your hubby's boss' wife reminded me of one of those women who are jealous of other women who choose to be housewives *nodding*!

    Girl, you don't have to behave like the masses: period!
    As long as your happy...that's all that matters: your happiness :)!

    Nice text: you are gifted, Amelia! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  13. Hey, Max!!!

    He he he...I think my hubby's boss's wife was just concerned 'coz I hadn't made a friend yet, just like everybody else back in Indo who tried to encourage me to join a group or something. They just don't get it he he he...

    THX for your compliment, Girl!!! *bowing* ;-D