Wishing You...

THANK YOU SO MUCH for being my WONDERFUL friends for the past year. Wishing us all a brand new fearless year ahead! Wishing for another full year of growing no matter how hard it is to handle. And with the help of beautiful friends like you, we'll survive through every storm in life 'coz our joys are doubled and our sorrow is cut in half.

YOU ALL ROCK, my blogger friends!!!!

3BT: Random Days

1. Getting a Top Banana award from Cliff. THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH!!!!!

"3BT" Top Banana. This goes to Amelia. 3BT is a list of gratitudes that Amelia periodically posts.

2. Writing this Words of Affirmation in my latest blog (a blog where I can babble non-stop about my being reproductively challenged - I decided to create a new blog so that I can channel all my babblings about infertility in that blog).

3. Having made a decision together not to do any more tests or pursue any kinds of  medical treatments or ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) has made me feel GLAD and our sex life has turned into what it was supposed to be: fun and playful!!! YIIIHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

4. Having closest friends who are willing to listen and support me in my infertility journey even though sometimes I may take their words the wrong way or take their words too seriously. THANK YOU, girls!

5. Reading plenty of articles on dealing with infertility has helped me regain my perspective.

6. Sleeping long he he he...What can I say? I'm a sleepyhead and a good sleep is good not only for the body, but also for the soul. ;-D

7. Making hubby giggle and laugh until he had tears in his eyes (enough tears that I could wipe!) even when I didn't plan to do it. What a BLESSING to be able to make someone laugh like that he he he...(Unfortunately I can't tell you what I did 'coz it would be too gross to tell here hi hi hi...Yeah, yeah, I LOVE making people curious LOL!!!)

8. Knowing that despite the storms of life, I'll be all right (even though I don't know how).

9. Crying out all the pent-up feelings without feeling like I have to hold my tears. It feels SO GOOD to be able to express myself like this and just "be done with it".

10. Playing Wii Fit Plus with hubby and laughing together and sometimes mocking each other playfully when one of us passes the other one's rank he he he...

Spring Chicken!

Yes, I was Spring Chicken today, can you believe it? I flapped my arms as though they were wings and tried to reach my destination hi hi hi hi...

You must be wondering what the hell I'm talking about, eh? Well, I played Wii Fit Plus again today and one of the games was a game about Spring Chicken. So I'm a chicken who's supposed to fly from one point to another and in between I have to collect points (that transform into additional time for me to finish the task and reach my destination) by landing on the spots where the points are. I'm telling ya, it's NOT easy to do it  (and it's pretty tiring after you try it several times) he he he...

There are also other games I like, such as Juggling (Balls), Snowball Fight, and many more. One stupid thing I managed to do was to GET LOST while I played Bicycle Game ha ha ha ha ha...I was supposed to collect flags and then go back to the starting line. The first stage, the beginner's, I managed to do it very easily. However, once I unlocked the advanced level, I GOT LOST, can you believe it? I was circling around trying to find the last flag until my legs were SO tired he he he he...

It was a good exercise, though (I had to "walk fast" on the Wii Balance Board to pedal my bike) he he he he he he...Haven't been doing anything much today (except cooking burger buns), esp. 'coz I woke up late HA HA HA HA HA...ahem...I'll blog-hop tomorrow.

Christmas Highlights

I was SO SO HAPPY this Christmas due to several reasons HUE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...

1. I managed to trick R2. How? Well, when I started browsing for a gift for him, I didn't know what to buy. I accidentally found a new novel written by his fave author (a translated novel, that is - though his English is good, he prefers reading novels in Finnish). Being broke (after my trip to Indo and after booking for the plane tickets to Helsinki), I couldn't buy more than one gift, BUT I HAD to disguise the book so that he wouldn't know it was a book, right?

So after I sold plenty of empty beer bottles/cans (leftover from my training in the hotel which I hadn't sold yet), I used that money to buy some packets of salmiakki. So I bundled all of them into one gift that had such an irregular shape that R2 wouldn't have known what was inside HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO...

When it was time to open the gift, he took out one packet of salmiakki first from the wrapper and then another one and another one. Then he took out the book last. By then his smile became wider HA HA HA HA...After opening the book wrapper, he said, "This is JUST what I wished I would get!"

HUE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...BINGO!!!

1st pic: The lowest temperature on Christmas Day 2009:


2. MIL obviously wasn't expecting anything, but we got her a new computer HD and a lamb-shaped neck pillow. She wanted to pay for the HD, can you believe it? Of course R2 said NO!!! HE HE HE...And when she opened the neck pillow box, she shrieked, "AHHHHHH how did you know???" Then she hugged it and smiled so brightly he he he he he he...

2nd pic: Firewood.



3. The winter pants I ordered for FIL fit well!!! :-D I knew he needed a pair 'coz MIL mentioned it once, but I wasn't sure whether or not they had bought a new pair - when the gift was opened, MIL said, "This is just what he needs. I told him that we'd buy him a new pair of winter pants when the shops start selling everything on sale and now we don't have to buy them anymore." HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...

3rd pic: The beautiful sky on Christmas Day.



4. I was craving for Bailey's Irish Cream (chocolate mint flavour - thanks to the incessant ad campaigns on TV), so I told R2 about this. On 23rd, I went out to buy it and without my knowledge, R2 had bought a bottle, too! Oh dear he he he...So we brought one bottle to my in-laws' place and shared it with MIL and FIL (BIL didn't stay there 'coz he continued the party at his girlfriend's parents' place) and now we still have a bottle at home - we can drink it later on New Year's Eve HO HO HO HO HO HO...

5. Bought a bouquet of flowers for in-laws' 47th wedding anniversary (if I had written here about this, I had miscalculated I think - 'coz I thought it was their 48th anniversary ha ha...). Anyway, they got married on December 26th.


What do I get? It's a secret HA HA HA HA HA HA...ahem...anyway, now time for me to call my parents 'coz today's my Dad's birthday. ;-D I'll blog-hop sometime later...

Merry Christmas!!!

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we're going to go to my in-laws and spend a nite there as usual he he he he...R2 is really looking forward to eating the delicious joulukinkku (Christmas ham), though I'm not really that crazy about it he he he...but still I'm excited about spending time with the family and just enjoying the Winter Wonderlannddddd atmosphere he he he he...

So, let me just say this to you:


Wishing all of you who celebrate Christmas a beautiful, peaceful, joyful, and hopeful one (not a hectic, messy one). May we always remember the true meaning of Christmas: the birth of Jesus Christ.

And to all of you, I wish you also a wonderful New Year with the hope that we become better and better as time goes by no matter what life gives.

One thing I haven't been thankful these days is being reproductively challenged. Before I experienced it, I never knew this "world" before. I never knew that it was a life crisis that could really tear apart a couple and that it has ripple effects on other aspects of life. I never knew that it would change me this way. It's definitely NOT easy and if I could, I would just take a "forgetful pill" so that I forget that we're trying to have a baby (as to what others refer to "just relax and it'll happen"), but unfortunately there's no such a pill. So the only thing I can do is just be thankful 'coz it means that I can connect with all the people who've experienced the same/a similar problem. Because truth be told, the only thing I feel GOOD about being reproductively challenged is when I can really listen to another infertile person and be able to understand completely and be able to support her and at least be able to make her feel that she's NOT insane and or alone in her struggle.

So God, I know you hear me now...I want to thank YOU for allowing me to experience this. May I grow not as a bitter, cynical, despaired, frustrated, and jealous person (though those feelings may come up time and time again), but may I always hold on to Your promises and be able to be as useful as I can be through my experiences.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
- Psalm 34:18

And here's a Christmas song to all of you. I like this rendition of "Silent Night" by Sixpence None the Richer and Dan Haseltine (Jars of Clay).

Bidazzled

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Bidazzled. All opinions are 100% mine.

Heya, people, just want to introduce to you this new auction site called Bidazzled. This site was launched last month and they offer you branded products with low starting prices and by bidding through this site, you can also help a lung cancer charity foundation called The Ruch Foundation.

This auction process works by your buying bids that you use whenever you want to bid on a merchandise. The cost of a bid is $1. Whenever someone bids, the price of the product goes up a few cents and the clock counter is added a few seconds so that other people can bid. So the winner is revealed if there are no other bids when the clock counter is down to zero. This means that you can get a branded product at such a low price compared to the retail price.

When I visited the site, I realized that for example they are offering a Wii Console Plus Wii Sports with the price of only $1,35 (the last time I checked). There's also Nikon Coolpix L20 10MP Digital Camera being offered with the price of $0,40.

Furthermore, even if you don't win, you may get up to 50 bonus bids and if you do win, Bidazzled may offer to buy back the item for cash, cash and bids, or just bids. And if you do buy a bid pack (the cheapest bid pack costs $25), you'll get bonus bids right away so that it means that the price per bid becomes even lower than $1. Sounds good to me, don't you think so?

3BT: Random Days

1. Lashing out my anger/frustration in a note in Facebook. Felt SO good ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

2. Laughing, peeing, and farting at the same time - making hubby laugh at the same time. Trust me when I say that the sound of your peeing and farting becomes SO funny when you do it while you're laughing your ass off HI HI HI HI...(Yeah, yeah, I know I'm gross)

3. Meeting a very friendly Finnish guy the other week that complimented my Finnish and wishing me to have a nice Christmas. THANK GOD for friendly people who're not against foreigners living in their country!

4. Taking these pictures:




The above pic is only to show how much snow there is in our building's parking lot (and those two windows with lights are ours).


P.S. That last pic isn't our house. Dunno whose house it was. I went near the river to take some shots and this was one of them he he...so in front of the house is a frozen river.

5. Starting a joke with hubby (I started saying something silly, he continued, then I continued, and so on) and laughing together at our silly sentences.

6. Creating another product at Zazzle:

Decorative Dark T-Shirt by ailema4ever
Browse Decorative T-Shirts

7. Grateful for hubby's effort in drinking another round of "poison" (read: Chinese fertility herbs that taste and smell yucky).

8. Hubby for making me feel funny, sexy, beautiful, listened to, and cared for despite myself, despite everything.

9. Being able to really scrimp while doing groceries for the past few weeks HO HO HO...ME LOVE IT!!!!

10. Asking hubby something and he gave me a very comforting answer. THANK YOU for being such an easy-going hubby that never pressures me to do anything I don't want to do.

The Day(s) The Key Was Forgotten

Before I begin telling you about the key, I just wanted to share something cool that I just saw online. It's a camera extender called Xshot! It's a gadget that's lightweight (and of course extendable) so that we don't need to ask a stranger to take pics of us. Pretty cool, eh? Maybe I should ask hubby to give it to me for my next birthday (it costs only $29,95 for a regular compact digicam extender - there are several types of Xshot in the site) ha ha ha...

glitter-graphics.com

Anyway, I forgot to tell you the other day when I forgot my apartment key when I went outside. First of all, in the morning I went to the supermarket to buy some groceries, then I stayed home for a while and in the afternoon (at around 3 pm) I went out again, BUT this time I wore a different jacket 'coz I felt too hot when I got out the first time. When I left the apartment the second time, just as I was closing the door, I remembered that I had left my apartment/bike keys inside the pocket of the other jacket. Darn!!!

Good thing I didn't leave my mobile inside ha ha ha...so I did go and buy some stuff that I needed in a store, then at around 3.45 pm I called R2 to ask when he would be coming home (usually he comes home at around 4 pm, but sometimes he does overtime). I told him what had happened and I said I'd wait for him to finish work in a flea market (the flea market was right next to R2's office). Both buildings are actually located near our apartment (thanks to our apartment's location that's smack dab downtown) - around 1-2 minute walk away.

So I browsed around the flea market and then at 4 pm R2 called me to say that he was ready to go home he he...Then he told me that while I was in Indo, he had also forgotten his keys TWICE HA HA HA HA HA HA...I asked him why he hadn't told me about this when we chatted while I was in Indo, but he just smiled. Then I said, "I bet your conscious mind must've put away those experiences at the farthest corner of your brain."

Then I asked him how he could get inside 'coz I was still in Indo. He said that he had gone to the office of the company who owns the building he he he...Fortunately the office was located right on the first floor of the building, so he didn't have to go faraway to get the key.

glitter-graphics.com

Ahhhh...where did our brains go? HI HI HI HI HI...Anyway, Christmas is coming soon and the end of the year is near...I wish everybody has had a beautiful weekend! Tomorrow and on Monday there's this Christmas market downtown, so maybe I'm gonna have a look at it and take some pics.

The Forgotten Videos

I took these videos last week and I had forgotten to upload them he he he he...so enjoy Winter Wonderland in Lapland, Finland...

The first one is the video of the area across the street from my in-laws' house in Kelujärvi, Finland.



This second one is the video of the frozen lake area in front of in-laws' cabin - you can see the cabin at the end of the clip.



This third video was taken a few weeks ago. My BIL was doing some hard work with a tractor, trying to clean up the snow from the path towards the frozen lake 'coz he wanted to spend a night at the cabin he he he...




Hope you enjoy the video clips!!! Time to do some baking experiment he he he...

GAAAHHHHH!!!!

I don't know why I feel that there have been SO many things to do lately that I don't even know anymore which I should do first he he he...

To make a new passport, I need some photos. I did go to a photo studio in Bandung, but I wasn't sure that the Indo Embassy would accept those photos 'coz they're the standardized Indonesian passport photos and the Indo Embassy told me that they wanted the kind of photos that the Finnish government accepts as passport photos. Good thing was that I got a CD with my photo in it, so I only had to print out some photos according to the Finnish passport photo guideline.

The problem was printing them. First of all, here there are no studios where you can print passport photos from a CD. So I had to measure the photo carefully and then make several copies and then send them online to be printed by a photo company. The first time I sent them a jpg file, I realized I had made a mistake 'coz I ordered the wrong photo size. So I had to redo the whole thing and then picked the right photo size.

glitter-graphics.com

Why did I go to such length just to print some photos? Of course there is a local photo service where I can get 4 passport photos right away, but they cost at least €15 (yep, for just 4 bloody pieces of passport photos).

Anyway, enough about the photos...soon I'll have to type up a letter, asking the Indo Embassy to renew my passport and then I have to bring a copy of our marriage certificate, too. Today I ordered Helsinki Card online (only for one day) - we can pick up the card from one of their agents (I think we'll just pick them up from the airport) and we can go take the airport bus to our hotel (fortunately the airport bus passes through the hotel 'coz there's a bus stop behind it). We have to pay €5,90 per person.

So these days I've also been browsing through the kinds of museums or attractions that we can visit 'coz by having Helsinki Card, we can get discounts to many tourist attractions - sometimes we don't even have to pay to get inside many museums. :-)))) The only museum I've been to when I was in Helsinki was Ateneum Museum . Back in 2004 there were modern art collections in the museum.

Photo taken from here

I almost got lost when I tried to find the museum back then, you know? I'm such a lousy map reader hi hi hi...I actually went to the opposite direction to where the museum was supposed to be. I kept walking and walking until I realized I was in an area where there couldn't possibly be museums hi hi hi hi hi...it's hard to describe, but I just knew I was far away from where a museum could be, so I went back and I kept walking and walking and finally I found it hi hi hi...

That was also why I let R2 read the map when we went to Singapore. I just followed him wherever he told me to go HA HA HA HA HA...like a good sheep following its shepherd HI HI HI HI HI...

Ahem...OK, enough rambling, time to blog-hop a bit.

P.S. We'll be staying in Scandic Continental Helsinki. The hotel has a swimming pool, so I'm gonna bring my swimsuit with me HO HO HO HO HO HO...I wanna swim 'coz I swam only once when I was in Bandung ('coz it rained a lot after the first week).

Helsinki Trip

After browsing around for days on end, finally we booked the tickets and hotel room in Helsinki. Yeah, I've spent my days lately to browse online for different types of things and today I've also finished wrapping all the Christmas gifts (not that many, but some of them just arrived yesterday he he...).

So, back to the Helsinki trip: we're leaving on January 7th and we'll be back on January 9th. We did compare three different types of transportation: bus, train, and plane. We decided to go by plane 'coz going by train and bus takes a LONG time (10-15 hours one way) and the cost aren't that much of a different anyway (esp. if you calculate the time difference - going by plane only takes about 3 hours both ways).

I think I'm going to buy a one-day Helsinki Card so that we don't have to pay by cash whenever we get on a tram or bus or metro there. It is valid for 24 hours and usually when buying the card you get some interesting offers: like getting a discount to go to a museum or something like that. I just read the other day that we can buy the cards online and then when we arrive at the airport we can grab them from one of their representatives in the airport.

While browsing online, I really liked the fact that there's even this online Reittiopas (route guide) where I can just put "from" and "to" which addresses and what time I'll probably be going to that address from which address and when I click on the button, appears a few options on what types of transport (bus/tram/metro) I have to take to reach that address and how long the approximate time to get there. Pretty cool!!! So I know already which transports I have to take to get to the Indo Embassy from our hotel he he he...

So now I'm broke after paying for the plane tickets ha ha ha ha...today I created a few designs again at Zazzle. Here goes if you want to see them (I'm planning to create a new blog for me to post my Zazzle products 'coz I feel like I'm bombarding my readers in this diary blog of mine):

Snowy Landscape with a Bible Verse by ailema4ever
Design photo postcards on zazzle.com

Sympathy Note Card with Bible Verse by ailema4ever
Shop for a different greeting card online at zazzle.com

Candlelight Greeting Card - Fully Customizable by ailema4ever
Browse Candlelight Cards

Sisu Sauna Salmiakki T-Shirt by ailema4ever
View more Sisu T-Shirts

3BT: Random Days

1. No mosquitoes nor ants nor flies (they appear only outside in summer, but due to our short summer, that means we're free of them most of the time YAHOOOOO!!!).

2. Colder weather means that I get to see beautiful skies like these (it was around -12'C):




3. Making cookies and decorating them for the first time in my life (the K and M are the initials of my in-laws):



4. Hubby - for being who he is, for his willingness to drink the Chinese herbs that taste and smell so awful (he has such a sensitive nose). I'm grateful for his support and effort - and thankful that he makes me laugh even when I don't feel like laughing.

5. The last batch of Christmas presents has come through mail and I went to get it today. Now everything is ready. I even bought a little something for myself HO HO HO HO HO...

6. This morning I found out that I just sold one product in Zazzle. My first sold product!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!! That really brightened up my day! I should add more products to my store soon! ;-D THANK YOU, buyer, whoever you are!!!

7. We've booked a spring trip (R2 still has a week off winter holiday and he has to take it before May), so we're going to have another honeymoon in Crete next April HO HO HO HO...

8. I'm thankful for our health, our warm apartment, our warm bed, our fully-stocked fridge, R2's permanent job.

9. I'm thankful for having close friends and close blogger friends. I wouldn't be able to make it without them. ;-D

The Meltdown

Due to the nature of this post, I'm not allowing any reader comments. I just wish to share what I felt the other day, because this is my blog and the nature of this blog is like a kind of diary and I just want to be honest with myself - because life is not just all roses and sunshine, but it can also be stormy and cold.

glitter-graphics.com

It all started with a little chat with a friend of mine who also suffered from IF (infertility). She has never got a regular period her entire life (sometimes she got a period only every three months and the menstrual blood was never really much). She went on a hormone therapy, got pregnant once, but sadly experienced miscarriage early on. During the chat, she told me that she was finally pregnant again. She said she didn't have her period for FIVE months, so she wanted to go to the gyno to ask him to initiate her period - but as usual the procedure was that she had to do a pregnancy home test in order to make sure she wasn't pregnant. So she did and she found out she was pregnant. WHAT A MIRACLE!!! I congratulated her right away and we continued chatting for a while.

My meltdown happened after the chat. It started slowly but surely...Again I had those nagging questions, "God, when's my turn? Where did we go wrong? Do You deem us unready to be parents?" The questions didn't stop there...they went on and on and on...and they drove me mad...

I KNOW that if God thinks that it's not the right time, then it's not the right time. After all, God says in the Bible that His plans are not my plans and that His timing is the best of all. My logic knows it all, but my heart still felt the kind of sadness that turn into this whirlwind of emotion. I didn't even know I was still so into this "baby making program" until I heard my friend's miraculous pregnancy. That shocked me to the core. I thought I was "taking it easy".

What did I feel? I felt like doing nothing. I felt sad, hurt, helpless. I wanted to just curl myself into a little ball and do nothing. I didn't want to think of anything, yet my thoughts ran wild. I wanted to share this meltdown to my closest friends, but I was afraid that if I did so, they would be wondering how to tell me their good news when they do get pregnant (or when they do get pregnant again). I wanted to share my feelings with hubby, but I was scared that it would make him sad and in turn it would make me sadder, too. So I felt sort of "lonely" in my sorrow.

Other parts of the "dark void of sorrow" that surrounded me also jarred my senses. I was hurting so much that it slipped into my mind the idea of hurting myself physically to move the pain away from my heart. That split second that idea came to my mind, I understood why some people did hurt themselves physically. Mind you that I didn't hurt myself physically, though - but that thought made me realize that I had never gone to that extreme before (never experienced that kind of pain in my heart before). I also felt that it would be nice if death took me away 'coz then I wouldn't have to live with this "hope of becoming a mother" and all the emotional baggage that comes with it if I still haven't gotten pregnant yet.

As you can see, I'm still fully alive. I didn't hurt myself nor try to kill myself, but I did scream out to God silently and pray, "God, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...if You're not going to let us have our own kids, just take away our wish to be parents. I'm begging You." Tears ran down my cheeks no matter what I tried to do to distract myself. That day was one of the toughest days in my life.

After calming down a bit, I went to an online infertility forum to share my feelings and thoughts and everybody there knew EXACTLY what I meant. They all supported me and they all said how IF can make people think of crazy thoughts. They all know that dealing with IF means that there are good days and there are bad days - there are times when you think everything is fine, there are times when IF can make you experience the kind of meltdown that I was having even when I thought I was doing okay.

What next? I still cried on and off that day and I felt so lonely in my sorrow still that I finally decided to tell hubby. At first I couldn't tell him. I just cried on his shoulder, in his arms. Poor hubby must've been SO confused. I could barely speak 'coz I was trying to control my sobbing. After a while I left his arms to wipe my face and to try to calm down. In between my sobbing, hubby asked me what had happened, but I couldn't bring myself to speak. I was scared that the sobbing would shake my entire body to the point that I would not be able to speak at all. That was why I tried to move away to calm myself down a bit.

I sat on the sofa, cried again, then I sat in front of the TV and stared at it (I didn't watch it, it was just a means to distract myself for a while) and after I had stopped crying, I came back to hubby's arms. We held each other tightly and then after a little while he asked me again what had happened. That started another flood of tears...but I finally explained what made me cry. In his usual calm way, he comforted me. He understood my feelings. That was more than enough. He kept on holding me tightly in his arms. Half of my sorrow vanished and I felt safe in his arms.

glitter-graphics.com

I don't know how long this IF journey would last for us and whether it will end the way we want it to end. I have heard some couples who have dealt with IF and are given the gift of miraculous pregnancy (pregnancies). I also know at least a couple who dealt with IF and then decided not to pursue any treatments nor adoption and they live happily. I just want to write this down now so that in the years to come maybe I can look back on this moment and at least have a better understanding on the questions I asked in this post. And maybe for someone who is dealing with IF who reads this post, that person will know that he/she is NOT crazy. It DOES help to know that you're not the only one who experiences this kind of meltdown.

Right now I'm feeling fine. That's why I can finally write this post down. I didn't want to write this post while I was still feeling so sore inside. For all of you who read this post, if you wonder what I want to hear from you about this struggle of ours, then my answer would be: "I'll pray for you" or "Sending you warm thoughts, wishing you all the best". No other words can help, especially when one is feeling so much pain. Not even logical explanations help when your heart is bleeding so much.

However, because I have chosen not to accept any comments in this post, suffice it to say that I THANK every one of you for your prayers and warmest thoughts. No need for any written words. Just being able to publish this post is enough for me. I'm sending all the negative feelings and thoughts I had to the universe and leaving them there...so that my cup runneth over again with positive, warm thoughts and feelings.

Quite a Scare!

For those of you who tried visiting my blog yesterday but couldn't, there was some problem with one advertising link embedded in my HTML page. Yesterday I couldn't even view my layout at all. JulianaRW helped me in solving the problem by telling me to delete that particular code embedded in my HTML page. Glad to know that now my blog is working fine again (I HOPE!).

Anyway, I've been browsing for the best type of transportation to go to Helsinki in order to renew my passport. So far I'm thinking of going there early January 'coz there are some interesting events in Helsinki then. I don't know yet if R2 can come with me or not. If he can't come, then I need to figure out my schedule and type of transportation so that he can still go to work normally. I mean, if I decide to go by train or plane, he has to take me to Rovaniemi and he needs to pick me up from Rovaniemi again (it takes about 1,5 hours by car to go there).

We'll see how it goes. I plan on staying there for one or two nights (depending on whether or not I go there alone and how many events I want to see). Now I need to make some money 'coz I'm going to spend quite a sum by going there he he...

P.S. In Bandung I bought a few packets of Chinese herbs for "fertility" purposes. I just thought, "Oh well, why not try a few?" I drank it two days ago and yesterday and it tasted SO awful. Ugh...R2 has to drink his part next week (once a week)...can't imagine his face when he drinks it later he he he...

Video Contest

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Incendia Health. All opinions are 100% mine.

My grandma and one uncle both suffered from cataracts in their old days. My grandma opted not to have any lasik surgery, but my uncle did have some for both of his eyes. If I remember correctly, one eyesight was recovered pretty well, but the other one couldn't be saved so well (I guess because the damage on that eye was too hard to fix).

Anyway, if you're into making videos and you want to have a chance to win some prizes, why don't you check out this iLASIK Video Contest? This contest is held by Abbots Medical Optics Inc. (AMO) because they are curious on what people say about how improved vision can improve or has improved people's lives.

What are the prizes, you ask?

1. $5,000 for the grand prize winner - quite a sum, right?
2. Three first prize winners will get an HDTV package (the equivalent of $2,5000).
3. Three second prize winners will get a Flip UltraHD Camcorder (approx. $199.99).

Remember that for a limited time only, each contestant who submits a video will get a $20 Amazon gift certificate. So if you're interested in making a video, go hurry and make one!

These are the three video categories for you to create a video:

1. "My contacts are getting in the way of my good time"
2. "My favorite sport or activity would be so much cooler with better vision"
3. "You should see life after the iLASIK Procedure"

Even if you're not interested in creating videos, you can always vote so that the best video wins. I wish I could make interesting videos. I'd be more than happy to get a chance to win some cool prizes.

Ken in Real Life

Yep, I haven't had time to write about my Indo Trip. I've been busy cooking, baking, and doing other things he he he...

Anyway, Ken in real life is just like what my Mom described him. He's SO active. When I arrived there in the beginning of November, he could walk a few steps without help already, but 'coz he was such in a rush (he always wants to walk SO fast), he still grabbed our fingers whenever he wanted to go around the house. However, about a week before I flew back to Finland, he started walking on his own.

First he started walking with his hands high up (to keep his balance), then every passing day he lowered his hands bit by bit until he could walk pretty normally, though he was still making our hearts skip a beat whenever he tried turning around and round and round after walking (thus making him lose his balance). He also still didn't know how to pace himself yet - his legs went that way whereas his eyes looked the other way...making us have to be WARY of things that might be in his way that could harm him.

So as you can imagine, it's still SO tiring to take care of him 'coz of this phase. I have to admit that I'm amazed at the rate of how a little child learns, though. He can't talk well yet, but he understands so much already. For example if people tell him, "Where's Auntie Amel?" he'd turn to me. He started doing that the day I came to Bandung - it means he recognized me though he had never seen me in real life (but my family had always been pointing to my photo and telling him who I was). And whenever I ask him something (for example "Where's the bear?") he'd point to the right object. Amazing!!! Amazing how the brain thinks...it makes me a bit envious, too...wish I could absorb Finnish THAT fast HA HA HA HA HA HA...

Anyway, it was HARD to take good pics of Ken 'coz he wanted to grab my camera and see himself there, so let me just share the link to Ken's videos. Note that the first 5 videos in the album is my friend's son's videos. I've written down the titles of the videos there.

Ken's Videos

Here are a couple of pics of Ken:

1st pic: He just LOVES umbrellas for some reason. He'd look up at the opened umbrella and just be amazed at it. Funny thing is that my cousin's and friend's sons were also like that at that age.


2nd pic: We were at a a mall and Ken got a balloon. In this pic he kept on waving the balloon around so it was hard to take a good pic of him with us hi hi...


3rd pic: Look at his new hat! HA HA HA...


4th pic: He pretended to cry 'coz he wanted to grab the camera and my bro wouldn't let him hi hi hi...


I'm TOTALLY amazed that such a small child (12/13-month-old child) can PRETEND to cry just to get what he wants. Geez...Once he gets what he wants, he'd drop the act right away and smile.

Ken LOVES playing with us, too, especially hide-and-seek. He'd run to the back of his bedroom door and stand still for a minute or two until one of us tries to find him. He also loves another game of hide-and-seek where he'd jump into the arms of me or his helper or his Mom and then he'd want to be chased by somebody else. For example he's in his Mom's arms and I have to chase him from afar. He'd giggle and laugh and jumps around in his Mom's arms if I do that. And he'd want to repeat the fun over and over and over again he he he...so I have to hide first in the other room(s) and then shout out, "Where's Ken? Where's Ken?" and he'd start jumping in glee right away in his Mom's arms even before I start running towards him to catch him he he he...

One time he wanted to "switch places", so he jumped from the bed to my arms 'coz he wanted his Mom to chase him he he he...I had to hold him really tightly - otherwise he might fall down 'coz he was jumping around in my arms with all his might he he he...it was really fun to be childlike when a kid is around!!! :-D

Topsy Turvy

I'm rather pissed today 'coz in the morning I called Indonesian Embassy in Helsinki to ask them to send me a form that I need to renew my passport. A few months ago I called them to ask if I could send my application through snail mail 'coz I live far away from Helsinki and I was told that I could do so (considering my distance from them).

However, this morning I was told that the regulation had changed. So I MUST show myself to Helsinki to submit all the papers and photos and then I can leave everything there and they'd send me the new passport when it's done.

That means I have to spend AT LEAST 200 Euros only for the tickets - even bus and train tickets may cost that much both ways. ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

I don't need to go there this month, though. However, we're planning to go abroad for a week next spring (perhaps in April), so I do need to sort it out at least in February, 'coz then I have to transfer my residence permit to my new passport (and I still don't know how long the transfer takes).

I'm thinking of spending a night in Helsinki, 'coz if I spend THAT much money only to submit all the papers and then back again, it'd be SUCH A WASTE, don't you think??? However, I don't want to stay there too long 'coz then it means I'm going to spend MUCH more money. Ugh...and I still have to save money for our trip in April.

Sorry for my rant. Anyway, I found this BEAUTIFUL article on infertility that I want to share here...Even if you've never experienced it, you may get more ideas on the feelings and thoughts of people who've dealt (or who're dealing) with infertility:

Life After Infertility Treatments Fail

3BT: Highlights of the Past Month

1. Feeling like honeymoon again when coming back from my Indo trip. WHOOOPEEEEE!!!!!

2. MIL hugging me TIGHTLY and saying that she had missed me! :-D I had missed her too!

3. Being kissed by Ken on the cheek (without asking him to do so!).


4. Spending time with my family and friends in Bandung.

5. Going to the spa, going shopping a few times, and watching a movie with my Mom despite her current busy life as Ken's caretaker.

6. Being able to chat using a webcam with hubby during my Indo trip. THANK GOD for a faster internet connection in Indo, too!!!

7. All the glorious food and drinks that I could eat during my Indo trip - and I didn't have diarrhoea or any other health problems AT ALL during my trip.

8. Being able to meet about 17 of my ex-elementary school friends in a small gathering. It was FUN!!!

9. Getting enough sun and rain in Indo and when I got back to Finland, I got enough snow! :-D Couldn't have asked for more! ;-D



10. My priest asked me to come forward on the last Sunday I went to church in Bandung to pray for me and R2. He also prayed for our wish to have kids.

11. Hearing a story about my parents and knowing that God's angels had protected them from harm (I'll write about this later).

12. Playing with Ken and making him giggle so much! ;-D

13. Finding a strand of white hair - I've lived long enough to experience having at least one HUE HE HE HE HE...

14. Watching hubby's and MIL's expressions when they tried preserved seedless plum I bought in Hong Kong airport hi hi hi...SO FUNNY!!!

15. Being at home, being able to cook and experiment on cooking, being able to sleep on my own bed.

16. Christmas lights are up in our apartment - we don't have a Christmas tree, but we have some Christmas lights (not shown in the below pic, but just wanna show you how much snow we have now).



17. Finding some Christmas gifts for my loved ones today (and also I bought one for me HA HA HA...)

Indo Smell?

I'm so busy today that I don't have time to write a long post. One funny thing happened when I came back to Finland. While holding each other close, Arttu took a deep breath over my head and said, "You smell like Indo."

Huh??? What does that mean?

After I showered and washed my hair using my regular soap and shampoo in Finland, I asked him again if I still smelled like Indo.

He still said yes!

Strange...the days after I kept on asking him every day if I still smelled like Indo. I just wanted to know how long "the smell" lasted he he...I think on day 4 or 5 after I came back, finally he said, "Now you don't smell like Indo anymore."

I shared this with my close friends and some of them were wondering if it was smoke that he smelled. I asked R2 again if the smell was smoke, but he said no.

A close friend of mine has been living in Germany for around 4 years now and she told me something funny. She said that whenever she visited Indo again, for the first few days her family always said, "You smell like Germany."

She also said that after she came back from her trip to Singapore, she realized that all the things she brought from Singapore had a different smell than the things she had at home in Germany. Mind you that she's got a sensitive nose, just like R2. I guess that's why I haven't been able to distinguish any "different smells" that different countries may have.

I'm actually wondering if the smell R2 detected on me was due to the fact that I had been eating Asian dishes and spices for 4 straight weeks that my body odor was different due to that???

Has anyone ever experienced something like this before???

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