Monday, February 25, 2008

Interesting Input

Remember my post entitled "He Listens"? Shan made an interesting input in the comment section. It made me wonder about men in general, but most especially about my own husband's view about it. I hope you don't mind about this, Shan. If you do, I can always delete this post later on ha ha ha...

Let me quote it here:

You know, I really hate to be the one that stands out from the crowd...

But the first thing that came to my mind after reading your post was something bad...

Maybe it's just me but they say the higher you are, the greater your fall is...

Men are a shallow species, believe me I know. Your treatment of your husband makes me feel that he is almost a God to you. That in many ways is very good because you will boost his ego and allow him to feel strong and secure.

Yet on another hand, it would be wise to perhaps stop what you are doing as we men get bored when there are no intrigue in our life. They say, women gives themselves up after marriage and that contributes to the break up of many happy marriages...

So, I feel that you should pull back a bit and perhaps give him a bit of intrigue and tickly his curiosity a bit. Don't give everything away.

Otherwise, I am delighted to join in the throngs of people in congratulating you!

Well, right after Arttu came back home from work just now, I asked him to read the comment and he said that it wasn't true for him. It may be true for some men (wanting a little bit of intrigue), but it isn't true for him. Well, I'm GLAD to hear him say that.

Another thing that crossed my mind when I read Shan's comment is that it's pretty difficult for me to keep something inside me, anyway. The reasons are these:

1. I've told him EVERYTHING about me. He's the only person in the world who knows EVERYTHING about me (including all the skeletons in my closet), so I don't think it'll do me any good to keep anything 'coz there's really nothing to keep. Even my other closest friends don't know THAT much about me.

2. When it comes to praising him, I don't want to keep anything since life is short. I don't wanna keep praises about him to myself and then for example the next second he has an accident and dies right on spot (GOD FORBID!!!) and I regret not saying whatever I feel about him for the rest of my life. I wanna live knowing that I've said everything good that I can towards anybody so that if I die the next minute or hour or day or that person dies soon, I have no regrets at all.

3. We never really started our relationship based on intrigue. We started our relationship based on friendship. Then the first time we started falling in love with each other, I demanded him to show me his true colours 'coz I was also committed in showing him my true colours. It's not good to base a relationship on masks. Intrigue may be interesting and fun in the beginning of a relationship (for me), but I can't live with intrigue.

I want my husband to be my best friend for as long as we shall live, even though we're going to undergo some changes in our lives due to circumstances or anything else, I still want him to share everything with me as I'll share everything with him 'coz that'll keep us close together.

4. It's TOUGH not to show your love when you're really feeling it...or for that matter, to show your disappointment or anger when you live 24/7 with somebody he he he...

Anyway, I also wanna state that my husband is imperfect, but so am I (so is everybody)...and the reason why I write down all the good things about him is that I wanna truly cherish them all. And I also wanna remember them better (human's memory isn't too reliable), so that IF for example I get mad at him, I can reread those posts about his positive sides and be reminded about those and hopefully I'll not be angry anymore. :-)))))

That said, I'm DYING to read different points of view here, especially from men HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...So, c'mon my male readers, don't be ashamed in sharing your views, puhhhhleeeezzzzzzzz...

P.S. Shan, THANKS for making me think and for making me question Arttu hi hi hi hi...It's always good to know more about men's POV in general and about Arttu's POV he he he...;-D I REALLY enjoy writing this post HE HE HE HE HE...

P.P.S. I don't believe that men are shallow beings, by the way. I still believe that are VERY GOOD DEEP men out there. Besides, there are shallow women out there, as well he he he...


  1. Hi Amel! I agree with Shan that there should be some mysteries left for men to discover. This is true in most cases as men get bored easily.

    But in my case, I am so much like you. My husband knows me inside and out. There are no secrets between us. We've been together for 20 years and it worked well with us.

  2. Hi Amel, I don't necessarily think it's just men that get bored. Marriages take work, just because you are truly open and honest with your husband doesn't mean you can't have a few surprises up your sleeve ;-)

  3. EVERYTHING about you? isn't that a little.. dangerous?

    just kidding!

  4. Personally I am with Amel on this one.

    Truth and honesty, sharing and knowing about each other is paramount.

    Its surprising how, even after 20 years of marriage that my husband and I have shared, we still both manage to surprise each other occasionally! Its called growth.

    Its normal..and you dont have to force anything or withold information to do so.

  5. Every relationship is unique, so there's no right or wrong way. Your hubby loves you for your openess and you should just continue being the way you are. If you start changing now, he will sense the changes in the relationship which may not be a good thing.

    To keep the relationship exciting and alive, you both can do special things and plan surprises for each other, go on trips etc. But the basic values and characters should remain.

  6. it's difficult to give a comment about this....hehehe... what we wants are always with our hubby forever...but what will be happened in the future..we don't know. When we were just married, my uncle asked my hubby of he will be so sweet to me as now...he said honestly to my uncle, we don't know yet about that..but we hope that we will always together till die separate us. i was a little disappointed when he said seems that he was unsure with our marriage...but now i understand what he said.... the most important thing is AT THIS MOMENT he loves me and i love him... anyway amel, it's interesting post :)

  7. Hello Amel

    How are you today?

    I've read your post and peoples comments, and I must say I agree with Blur Ting. Every relationship is unique, there is no wrong or right way, just your way. You’re obviously very comfortable and open with each other, so why change what works for you?

    Personally I would love to have a relationship like yours. I agree with not holding back, and cherishing the magic moments and good qualities. Life is short, who wants to regret not appreciating something or not saying something?

    Of course, some men are not blessed with good qualities, believe me I have met a few and I know how to pick out a bad apple now! But not all men are like this, thank goodness!

  8. hmmmm...whichever is never good to expect too much of the other..nor to place them on a pedestal with too many're only gonna fall that much further it they dont perform to your expectations... i think that goes for friends...husband/wife....partner...whatever....

  9. interest post...:D As usual..^_^

  10. A Simple Life: THANKS SO MUCH for your POV. I LOVE widening my scope he he he...

    And CONGRATS on having been together for 20 years. I wish you MANY MORE WONDERFUL years to come! ;-D

    Fish: THANKS as well for your POV. Yes, women can also get bored he he he he...And noted about the surprises. I'll try to keep putting surprises every once in a while to spice things up. ;-D

    Jay: Dangerous? On the contrary, you feel safe since he accepts me the way I am. ;-D

    Mrs Arctic Rainbow: Yeah...and I guess LIFE does throw us surprises every now and then no matter what...nothing is constant he he he he...And I WANT to grow together with Arttu. ;-D

    Blur: I agree with you about the no right or wrong. When writing the post, I wanted to get more insight about men and people in general and I wanted to know what works for other people he he he...;-D

    And you're right about hubby. I don't wanna change 'coz then he'll sense the changes, esp. 'coz he's a sensitive person, so he'll realize it right away. :-)))

    And THANKS for the reminder about the surprises! ;-D

    Jeanne: I understand completely what you mean. THANKS for sharing your story! It is really hard to tell what's going to happen in the future...or whether you'll have a future together for that matter (meaning that nobody knows when you or your spouse will die). I LIKE your attitude, though: CARPE DIEM indeed! ;-D

    The World According to Me: I'm pretty tired right now he he he...need some nap. ;-D

    Yes, I also agree that every relationship is unique. I wrote this post 'coz I wanted to know different relationship types. ;-D

    And I also agree that some men are lousy he he he...My first boyfriend was shallow and I know there are many others out there. :-))) But you're right, thank goodness not all men are like that. ;-D

    JYankee: You're ABSOLUTELY right. Expecting too much only causes problems. :-))) Only God can fulfill all our needs, not any human. :-)))) Humans will disappoint no matter what 'coz everybody's imperfect. :-))))) THANKS for sharing your POV. I LOVE this discussion hi hi hi...

    Juliana: GLAD you enjoyed it, Jul! ;-D

  11. Mel, you are right about writing all R2 kindness here and reread your posts again in bad times!

    We really have to own a 'kindness and gratitude MUSEUM' that we can visit when we have hard days... to remind us God's blessings in our life!

  12. Trinity: I LOVE the way you put it: our own museum he he he...;-D I AGREE with you completely, Trin. ;-D