1. If you move to another country, especially a country where you don't know the language, allow yourself to feel confused for at least 3-6 months. You should learn to be kind to yourself. Otherwise, you're doomed. Allow yourself to make mistakes (lots of them!) and learn to laugh at yourself. (side note: doing the last two things hasn't been easy for me but I think I've made progress he he he)
2. On Breaking Up.
Breaking up is definitely not easy, especially if you don't know what you did wrongly. I have witnessed a friend undergoing severe diet and bulimia after breaking up with her old boyfriend. Why? She didn't know why he suddenly acted so coldly towards her (he wouldn't tell her even though she had asked, if I remember correctly), so she thought her problem must've been her weight. She lost around 25 kilos back then. (side note: Don't worry, she's fine again now. It happened years back he he...)
My own breaking up experiences weren't too harsh. My world did feel like crashing down for a while, but I got back on my own two feet because I knew what went wrong. It took time to mourn on the loss of "dreams woven together for the future", but at least I didn't have to search within myself to see what was wrong with me. Oh yeah, the first time it happened (I only have two breaking up experiences), what was wrong was that I lost myself when I was in the relationship. So breaking up with him was a good thing and I couldn't be happier once I passed by the "mourning" period.
Another friend was dumped by his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, of all the days in the world, years ago. He then called me in tears to ask my help. He wanted to know what went wrong as he got so worked up in trying to find out what went wrong. He needed closure. He needed to know what made her dump him so that he could improve himself. Fortunately I could help him find his peace, unlike the first friend's experience I mentioned above.
So, my conclusion: for those of you who're thinking of breaking up with someone special, please do explain to him/her what went wrong so that they can move on without having to struggle to find out what's wrong with them. It's cruel to be left in the dark if you know what went wrong.
I've also heard one more case of breaking up: The girl who broke up with him said this, "You're just too good for me." Nice going...and that's supposed to make him feel better?
Oh, another thought came into my mind: I think sometimes people are too cowardly to break up with someone so that they just let the relationship be rotten enough for the other person to break up with them, so they don't carry the burden of breaking up with the other person. But hey, this is just my opinion and I'm no relationship expert he he he...
Anyhow, I'm getting too worked up here with my emotions he he he...Relationship is tough work indeed, but it's all worth it when it's working well. :-)))
1- lol yes, you are absolutely right...one should laugh at oneself: it's a sign of humour, which in turn is a sign of intelligence! Moving into a new country is never easy, therefore confusion, loneliness, and mistake making are all natural!
ReplyDelete2- Breaking up is terrible and yet a needed experience in life, cause we learn a lot from it! We learn how to love ourselves, how to value ourselves, how to avoid making the same mistakes next time!
Your friend's story of bulimia is terrible, I am glad she's fine now; but that is the typical example of what can happen when people break up without having a conversation about the reasons why they are parting (it's just terrible)! Of course the result is not always the same as your friend's but it can well happen (we do not control a person's state of mind)!
Being dumped on Valentine's: insensitive!
You are stronger than you think, Amelia...to break up with someone and analyse where you went wrong; that's powerful! That's using reason (our most valuable tool)!
Making a relationship decay so that the other will break up with you, is just stupid (apart from coward, as you said)! If you were smart enough to enter and start on a relationship with someone; be smart and man/woman enough to end it!
Relationships are marvellous things, for they represent a source of life experience! But let me tell you one thing: people often bet on worthless relationships, just for the sake of having one; which is not smart either! We do not have to invest in a relationship just to show the world that we "love" somebody, no....we should invest in a relationship when we really care for that person, when we love that person; because if one day it ends, we shall be altruistic enough to explain why things are ending, why we must part from each other...
When someone breaks up with you without giving an explanation: that person didn't care for nor love you!
As human beings we owe to others to be kind, and thoughtful!
Cheers!
Hi, Max!!!
ReplyDeleteTHX for your comment and compliment. :-)))
Yeah, it's true that some people have relationships just for the sake of having one. I agree with you that we have to be kind and thoughtful to ANYONE even though sometimes it's not easy, esp. when you encounter "difficult" people he he he...
And indeed we DO learn A LOT after a break-up!!! :-D